If there’s anything that this Monday will be remembered for, at least in the circles of equally vile humans, drunkards, smokers, chatterboxes, rugby fans and players, Budonians, and Ntare School OBs, it is that a one Zeno Othieno Owora has finally succumbed to the intense pressure, and a bromance, to reconsider renewing his vows with Twitter.
There is indeed a sense of purpose in the Black Monday Movement.
1. Who is Zeno Othieno Owora?
Well, for someone who says so much about himself, this shouldn’t be a difficult one for us to answer. He is, in full, Zeno Othieno Owora Thomas Sankara son of Agrey Awori, though we are not sure about the last part of his name, of course.
He is an inconspicuous Budonian, as he only attended its junior section (he will live to never admitting this), went to Ntare School – to learn Runyankole, and is professionally trained as a sports (pronounced siportith) scientist.
He was born on the 11th day of May. The year is a mystery.
That is all you need to know, for now. The rest is, honestly, quite subjective.
We (who know him) can comfortably agree that even though we may not share his motivation and schools of thought, he is one brilliant fellow. Over the years, we’ve learnt that this son of Tororo is not only bound with us because of the various connections we’ve made but also, fortunately, a blessing rich in humor, intellect, and a vast knowledge on a range of topics. And also, irrespective of where you come from, he can speak your mother tongue better than you do. Believe me.
3. Mr. Know it all.
Zeno knows so much stuff that he even knows more about Canada than Canadians themselves. True story. The great chasm between his pathetically dark self and the white people’s assess he tries to kick every Bubbles Quiz Night is nothing to him. In an all white people’s bar, he must be their favorite African.
He once said that; “white people consider themselves intelligent because they speak the same language. We however, have to speak two, or more.”
His knowledge of Africa is comprehensive as well. He surely knows his difference between the Cape, and Cairo – though it didn’t take him any farther in the Zain African Challenge, which was, we learn, a landmark experience to him.
He is widely read. Machiavelli, Plato, and the best African authors live on through him. His favorite “local” author is Kenya’s newspaper columnist popularly known as Whispers.
However, listening to this connoisseur tell lies sometimes, and keeping it to yourself comes ordinarily.
This man breathes sport. Sport to him is like a shoe that needs polishing every time it gets that disturbing line of dust. His specialty, rugby – the talking about and not playing of. He is, in rugby circles, described as “Mongers’ loud, arrogant flanker”. He is also known as “the ‘mosquito’ with the loudest buzz”. His teammates who prefer anonymity highly recommend that he retires, bleaches, changes nationality, and hopefully shuts up, that being forever.
It is quite surprising that someone who is a minion in a bureaucratic system like ours has enough time to save thoughts for and about it. And indeed, there’s nothing that Zeno is more passionate about than any society, its organization, history, and everything that pertains to governance. He discriminates neither the local nor the foreign, and loathes the one that is not developmental – legally or illegally.
6. Opinion, over a pint, and a blunt.
This idiot without a disguise is already high on himself but give him at least half of a Tusker bottle, and enough supply of that good Jamaican then you’ll be sincerely grateful. The magnificent display of his contemptible nature will be worth note. Endless conversation, fights, haggling over anything, a rush of adrenaline, ..name them… – just like the rest of us, will be epic enough to remember.
It is my fervent hope that all his meaningful mumbo jumbo will be accommodated by the limiting 140 characters.
Ugliness may be his forte, but we can’t fault him for that. Zeno is just a friend of yours that you haven’t met. And age will not affect that. We may be in 2013 enjoying the beauty of HD and 3D but the fact that his photographic representation will remain black and white when we eventually get to 3X4X3D in the year 2144 shouldn’t worry you.
He will go an extra mile to be there for you, entertaining you with his eloquence – irrespective of whether you are male or female, or can withstand his loud, spitting mouth or otherwise.
8. A few Zeno Othieno Owora quotes.
“Satan has been the best friend the church has ever had, as he has kept it in business all these years.”
“These days it’s not only girls that come in lazy editions, boys too.”
“It is not wise to lose your cool when people criticise you. They never criticise average people.”
“White people consider themselves intelligent because they speak the same language. We, however, speak two.”
“When you like someone , don’t be too shy, or too proud. Let them know.”
Forget all the above (personal) details. He does have a lot of worthy content to share. Don’t stress him with how to do it right, yet. Simply welcome this brother from another mother to this jungle.